While so many articles out there are telling you how to make a good first impression, this article is written to actually warn you from that first good impression!!
And I’m not talking about the impression you make upon people, I’m talking about the impression that some people make upon you! so that you become more careful and also avoid a lot of unnecessary drama.
Yes it’s true that you must not be fooled by the first impression, that’s a good piece of advise, no doubt.
How do you know the difference between that “fake” first impression and the real one? and what signs to look for?
In this article I’m going to tell you why it’s so dangerous to judge people we just met -and even trust them and give them a role in our lives (a boyfriend, a business partner …etc)- based on that first impression,
Also you’re going yo learn how to spot a specific kind of people who are masters of manipulation.
Yes this article is about narcissists, if we failed to spot them, we would be at a risk of emotional pain, especially if they were close friends/family members, or even worse, a partner.
And what we’re going to discuss in this article is their ability to make a charming first impression.
You can use this piece of information to avoid so many heart breaks and unnecessary drama.
And also you can use it (along with other signs) to spot the narcissists in your life (the already existing ones and the new comers), but first let’s answer a very important question.
Note: This article will only talk about the first impression and how narcissists are so good at it, However if you want to learn how to actually spot real life narcissists, you can download this free checklist below.
It’s based on research, reading tons of articles about narcissists, and also from my own experience with dealing with many narcissists in my life, some of them in my close friends/family members.
Why Spot Narcissists?
Narcissist are people who we can say that they idolize themselves!
They’re so in love with no body but themselves, even though it’s said that lack of self-esteem is the underlying issue behind their behavior.
Anyway, narcissists put their needs first, in such a bad way, like:
“Me and my needs are more important than you and your needs, because who are you anyway? don’t you know who I’m??”
Some argue that narcissists aren’t able to actually love anything but themselves (that’s if they really love themselves in the first place, which is doubted), and that’s why they see other people as tools to reach a certain goal.
They don’t put any consideration to people’s feelings (lack of empathy), and they have secret agendas in communicating with other people, which is being admired by people, while we all have this need, it’s exaggerated when it comes to the narcissists.
Put all these traits in one person, and imagine how much you will suffer, how much emotional pain you will go through and how many wounds you will get as a result of being with him/her.
So what about the first impression?
If you can spot a narcissist before it’s too late, you can avoid a lot of emotional pain.
Especially in dating, many girls fall for a jerk who will eventually break their hearts.
If they were able to spot them from that first impression, or if they were able to spot them after that, they would save their time, energy and emotions.
Now you must have already guessed that narcissist can make a great first impression,
And not only a good one, but a really charming one, a fake yes, but it’s charming and most people can’t tell whether it’s real or not.
But before you take that for granted, let’s take a look at what studies have confirmed, so that we’re not just talking about a theory.
There was a study where new students were asked to introduce themselves in front the class, and then they were given some surveys to fill out at home, one of those surveys included a “self report narcissism questionnaire”.
On the other hand, the introductions the students made were filmed and viewed by people who didn’t meet those people before, totally strangers, and those people observed body language, facial expressions and other physical cues.
And not only that …
Students were told to evaluate each others, I mean after one student makes his/her introduction, the other students were told to evaluate that person, on the terms of their body language and whether they want to get to know to that person or not.
And guess what, they found that narcissist were more liked at the first sight, they had a confidence body language, expressive facial expressions and many other stuffs that help them to create that charming first impression.
But here’s the thing …
It doesn’t shine forever! in other words, their charm fades away.
And that’s expected, because narcissists don’t do well in the long-run relationships, and that’s because of the fact that no one can hide the truth forever.
You can’t hide your true motivators forever, people will figure that out eventually.
Also that’s why narcissists lose popularity over time, because of their inability to maintain long-term relationships.
They can’t maintain long-term friendships because eventually people see the truth, people feel manipulated, and people just sick of being trolled and put down by them.
And it’s common sense, if what they’re trying to get from people is just their admiration, or worse, they want to use people, then no wonder why they would suffer to maintain long-run relationships.
They start to hunt again as soon as they’re exposed, after all they’re so good in making new people think they’re actually great/charming/attractive on that first impression.
The lesson you need to learn here
I’m not writing this article to make you afraid of people who make a good first impression, some great confident people out there can make a really good first impression, and they’re not narcissists at all.
In fact, on the surface, narcissists and extroverts look-alike. the difference is in their intentions and motivators.
Extroverts like to be around people and have fun, while narcissists on the other hand care about nothing but themselves, and that’s why they can’t maintain long-run relationships.
So, you need to be more careful about the first impression, don’t make a decision like getting in a relationship with such person based on superficial charm.
Another thing is, if you were in a relationships with a narcissists, or even just a friendship, and after sometime they started to change, and for example they dumped you, you would be wondering why they did what they did? and also why they were so charming at the beginning and then they changed?
Well, now you know, it’s not about you at all, it’s about them, they’re the one you should feel sorry for.
Wait, Don’t use this the wrong way
Don’t go out there and assume that everybody is a narcissists, and of course don’t assume that a good first impression=narcissist, it doesn’t, there are many signs to spot a narcissist, and this is only one.
And of course don’t be afraid of getting to know to new people, I’m a big fan of expanding your social circle and approaching new people, and to do that you need that first good impression.
Making a good first impression isn’t always a sign of narcissism, only sometimes.
In brief, use this piece of information as a new tool in your arsenal of social skills, to be more careful about narcissists and avoid their drama.
It’s like a way to understand people more, and also to not feel bad if you were mistreated by a narcissist
One more thing, don’t look down at narcissists, we’re not perfect anyway, instead feel sorry for them, then get away from them as much as you can.
Don’t try to change them, it will only leave you with nothing but pain, because it’s really very very hard to change a narcissist, they need a shock to wake up, a life tragedy maybe.
Narcissists have the ability to make a charming first impression, don’t be fooled by it, instead give it a time and see whether this person is for real or not.
A good first impression, a neat and flashy appearance, superficial charm, and a popularity that fades away, all that combined can be a warning sign.
This is important if you were willing to get into a relationship with that person, or if you want to share something personal with that person, you need to take care.
Don’t be afraid of the first impression, if you’re making a good one, it doesn’t make you a narcissist.
Most probably, narcissists wouldn’t read this article, and if they did, they would be assuming that this is wrong and however wrote this must be stupid.
If you don’t want anything from that person with the good first impression, for example you just met and probably you won’t meet again, then just relax and chill out, the real motivators would come out to the surface.
This can help you out to become aware of some narcissist in your own life, as you would be able to recognize the pattern (good first impression and then the charm would fade away), just look for more sings and see if the puzzle fits (more signs below).
Anyway, if you feel like you’ve been hurt by a narcissist, or if you suspect that somebody close to you is a narcissist, you need more signs to determinate that, you can’t just judge label them based on the first impression.
That’s why I decided to make a checklist with many signs of narcissism and what to look for, it can really give you the ability to spot those people and limit their bad affect on you, you can get it from below.
- Big thanks to a great man who I’ve never met, Scott Barry Kaufman, for writing incredible articles about understanding narcissists, he actually inspired me to put this together.