Questions are a form of self-talk. They’re one of the best ways to have a meaningful conversation with yourself. And thought provoking questions are one of the best ways to change your perspective.
Good questions can help you create a change in your life, get unstuck, change your beliefs and even help you change your mentality.
Don’t believe that?
Let me give you few examples.
First, people who ask questions like:
- Why me?
- Why is god doing this to me?
- Why am I such a failure?
- Why can’t I get anything right?
What does it mean to change yourself?
Well, we don’t want to get into the philosophical discussion about whether you should change yourself or accept yourself. That’s not the point.
The point is, since you’re reading this article, chances are you have something that you’re not happy with. A flaw (whether perceived or real) that you hate.
We all have our own flaws and imperfections. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. But when those flaws start damaging our lives, we better start working on changing them. Not doing that is something to be ashamed of.
One day, I was sitting down with one of my friends. ‘I hate my life,’ he said in sad tone of voice.
“You know, I even hate life, why am I living, I’m such a loser who does nothing but sleep and eat.” He stated that and started comparing himself to a pan saying that it was better than him.
I wasn’t better than him back then. Maybe Not even better than that pan as well. I hated my life also, even though I had different ways to describe it “my life sucks.” However, it’s still a form of hatred towards life in general and towards mine specifically.
What I’ve learned is that there are stages of hatred towards one’s life.
It starts with “life sucks”, and it can reach a dangerous point where you not only hate your life, but that along with suicidal thoughts, or at least self-destructive behaviors (such as cutting or addictions/bad habits).
We all have problems.
Personal problems. Relationships problems. Financial problems. Simple problems. Complicated problem. Existential problems. And all sort of problems.
When you face a problem, you have 2 options.
Either to face it or to ignore it and run away from it.
We usually prefer the second option because it’s the easier one and we get an instant relief. However, it has disastrous consequences on the long run.
But why do we escape instead of holding our grounds?
I think I’m the best person who can teach you about failure. And, yeah, I’m very humble about it!
As a self-development blogger, I should be positive and spread positive thoughts and so on. I shouldn’t have written this post in the first place.
And, of course, I shouldn’t have told you that I’m the best person to teach you about failure.
After all, why would you want the person who tells you about self-development to grab your hand and talk to you about a negative thing such as failure?
This might affect my credibility. In the end, you want to hear about success and how to get there.
We all want happiness, a smooth life, confidence, and strength. We don’t want pain, hurt, and darkness. And self-development bloggers/gurus are supposed to tell you how to get more of the firsts and less, and preferably none, of the seconds, right?
But you know what? I’m sick of this!
I’m a reader before being a writer and a blogger. And I’m really sick of hearing nonsense advice that’s either too soft or too extreme.
Let me introduce you to the biggest con-artists in the entire history.
Those con-artists deceived millions of people and destroyed the life of thousands of millions.
They are really good liars. They don’t even blink an eye when they tell a lie. Heck, they can even sell cats to mice and feel no remorse when they do that.
Very smart, very sneaky, very subtle, very tricky and very dangerous. Those are just a few words to describe them.
And they have a whole army of dedicated, and ruthless, assassins who will help them reach their goal, which is destroying your life in case you’re wondering.
When they know that you’ve read this article, they’re going to rebel.
So, you want to stop seeking approval from other people and become a well-rounded individual who has his/her own worth?
If your answer is yes then most probably you already know that seeking approval and validation from other people, and depending on that approval to measure how worthy you are, is a seriously bad thing.
Not only it’ll cost you your self-confidence, but also you’ll end up alone and get your hopes up as you’ll never be able to please everybody. (Read: How to be confident: 25 Professional Tips That Really Work)
As humans, we hate rejection, and we’ll do our best to avoid it.
The reason we hate rejection is that it makes us feel unloved and unwanted. Nobody wants to feel unloved and unwanted. Nobody!
That’s why we want to get approved by those around us. To some extent, it’s OK. But when it exceeds a certain threshold, it’s a problem.
When I tell people that pain is what drives and inspires me, they usually get surprised.
They tell me that I should be driven by something more positive. I shouldn’t do things just because I’m forced to.
But the fact of the matter is that all of us, at some point, are driven by pain and fear. And at times it’s a stronger driving force.
It’s not only about inspiration, but also desperation.
In this article I want to share with you few ideas about pain and how it can either drive us to change, or totally paralyze us and scare us to death.
We fear pain, we hate pain and we’ll do whatever it takes to avoid it.
And that’s totally OK; that’s like a survival mechanism. We avoid pain to stay alive.
But not all pains are created equal.
Jim Rohn once said “One of the best places to start to turn your life around is by doing whatever appears on your mental “I should” list.”
That’s very brief and very wise. I can see that if I did all the things that I tell myself that I “should” do them, I would turn my life around completely.
There are a lot of things on my mental “I should” list. I should do this, I should do that and I should’ve done that. Lots of should. And yes, I intend to take these “shoulds” very seriously and turn them into real actions.
In brief, it’s a very good advice. You already know how to turn your life around. You know, deep down, what you need to do, go out there and do it.
However, let’s take this good advice and put a spin on it. Let’s figure out how you can, in the first place, induce a change in your life and turn it around.
Tell me, have you ever met someone from your past and you noticed that he’s not the same person anymore?
He was shy and now he’s outgoing, he was fat and now he’s an athlete or he was the most pessimistic person you’ve ever known in your life and now he’s optimistic, confident and successful.
Have you ever looked into the mirror, saw a strange face and whispered to yourself “I feel nothing”? It was like you weren’t happy or sad, you weren’t depressed or excited, and sure you weren’t miserable or satisfied. You just…