Adopt these mentalities only if you want to see your life crackup in front of your eyes. Adopt these mentalities only to feel nothing but pain. Adopt these mentalities only to suffer like an old lady taking the stares to the 10th floor.
These mentalities will ruin your character, make you weak, and ensure you achieve nothing in this life.
And no I’m not exaggerating because, after all, it’s all about the mindset, the mentality and the attitude.
See if you have any of these mentalities, don’t worry if you have all of them, just start working to get rid of them.
1. All or Nothing
Because we live in an imperfect world, this mentality is just a form of insanity.
With the all-or-nothing mentality you never settle for less than perfect, you think that things/people should be white or black, and you just rather to have everything or nothing at all.
You think that the book you’re reading should be perfect, if there’s any mistake then it’s a bad book.
You want your relationships and interactions with people to be perfect, meaning that you want people to like you or admire everything that you do or say all the time.
You want to get things done perfectly, PERFECTLY with no mistake at all.
You would rather not do something if you felt like you won’t get it 100%.
And when the normal events of life happen and affect the perfect image you have inside of your mind, you go mad.
People who have this mentality suffer a lot, because, whether you like it or not, things are not either black and white.
Making mistakes is part of the process too.
Yes you won’t get a perfect book, you won’t find a friend without things that you don’t like about him/her, and you won’t be able to get 100% all the time.
Perfection is impossible in an imperfect world.
Accept that things won’t be either great or bad, there’s something in between, and in most cases it’s where we all belong.
Yes work hard to get 100%, but don’t be sad if you got 90%.
When you make a mistake, or when life gets crazy and things go wrong, the worst thing you can do is to adopt this mentality, forgive yourself and start again, that’s it.
2. Instant Gratification
First of all, we’re not living in the instant gratification age!
It’s just that things are a lot easier these days and it’s very easy to get instant gratification.
Facebook, YouTube, twitter, fast food, misleading media, porn,
Yes we’re impatient creatures, and it takes discipline to be patient and to not go after instant gratification.
It’s like, deep inside us, there are two forces: patience that leads to delayed gratification mindset and impatience that leads to instant gratification mindset.
You choose which one to feed and empower.
And those two forces can’t live together in peace, one must live and the other must die, or at least suffer in a dark cage starving until death.
It’s very easy and tempting to seek instant gratification, and most people just do that.
While on the other hand it’s very difficult and painful to seek delayed gratification, patience is painful.
And I believe that this is what distinguishes people, their ability to choose which force they want to use.
Being able to tolerate some pain in order to get a reward later on, this is a priceless character trait.
And it takes a lot of strength, courage and discipline, because it’s very tempting to procrastinate and seek those instant gratification sources all around us.
Also when it comes to pursuing a goal or a dream, the I-want-it-now is very tempting, we don’t want to wait in order to get what we want, we want it right now, right this moment.
It doesn’t work that way, life is not internet, you have to wait and be patient, you have to pay the price.
No you won’t get six-packs in one month, you won’t change your personality in one week, you won’t become more knowledgeable after reading one book, and you won’t see whatever change that you want to see very fast.
Being patient is a key.
Anyway, life doesn’t work that way.
Not only delayed gratification can lead to more happiness levels and more satisfaction, but also instant gratification will lead to frustration and a spoiled and weak character.
We humans are very egoist and arrogant. And sometimes this ego takes the form of the knowledgeable man/woman who knows it all.
When it comes to your field you might think that you know everything about it.
Sometimes even when it comes to a random subject, you think that you know everything about it just because you’ve read three articles online about it.
Or you do know some stuffs about something but you think you know more than you actually do.
This is called the illusion of knowledge.
It has some negative consequences:
- Not learning anything new, and as a result not growing.
- Misguiding other people who trusted you and followed you.
- Eventually realizing that you know nothing, usually after it’s too late.
- And even then some people don’t admit it, and leaving their lives believing in a lie that they themselves created.
And actually there are two types of those who think they know it all:
- The arrogant: he feels inferior deep inside, and he’s just trying to project an image to the people around him.
- The ignorant: he actually doesn’t know that he doesn’t know, even if he has the best intentions in the world.
For this mentality, it might be painful to admit it, however it’s a fact.
Knowledge with ego is ignorance.
Let’s not forget that we live in an imperfect world, so it’s impossible that someone knows everything about something, even Einstein himself!
And with this mentality you’ll never grow, because: why learn something new when you actually know it all?!
Also take a look at the most knowledgeable people in the world, scientist, researchers and authors; they never claim that they know it all.
They’re so humble. They keep learning, reading every book they can possible read and asking questions like little children.
There’s a story about the most knowledgeable man in a certain town in the old days, he was like the top scientist in that town.
One day one of his students found him carrying some papers and books and running, he asked him “sir, where are you going? And why are you running?” he answered him “there’s a speaker coming to the town and I want to go and listen to him” and he continued running.
Had he assumed that he knows it all, he wouldn’t go and listen to that speaker in the hope of learning something new or useful.
“When you read a book, be a student not a follower” –Jim Rohn
Sometimes we don’t assume that we know everything, but instead we assume that somebody else does!
And that’s harmful too.
We find a public speaker, a famous author, a great scientist, a life coach, a mentor or even a blogger, and we blindly follow him/her.
We assume that everything that they say is right, every word that they write worth gold.
In other words we put them on a pedestal.
Whenever we find someone with opposite ideas or beliefs to those people’s beliefs, or when we find someone attacking those people, we go crazy defending them blindly.
I’m not talking about people who pretend to be knowledgeable, I’m talking about respected people that we actually admire.
Yes there’s nothing wrong with admiring someone, and some people are really wroth admiring, the wrong is to blindly follow that person without thinking.
Jim Rohn’s quote above sums it all, be a student who asks and examine things, not a follower.
Because the world is imperfect, and also what we mentioned in the last point about how nobody knows everything, it makes sense that nobody holds the full and the whole truth.
Listen, there’s no absolute truth and there’s no absolute illusion.
In every truth there’s a percent of illusion, and in every illusion there’s a percent of truth.
Realizing this fact will help you to explore all the opinions, it will also help you to learn more stuffs as you’ll start looking into things you’ve never locked into before.
Also it will help you to be free, you’re not a follower, you listen to everything, analyze it and come up with your own opinions and ideas.
That’s maturity. That’s a strong and solid character.
Which mentality have you suffered with a lot? I would say all of them but the ones that really costed me a lot were the all-or-nothing and the instant gratification mentalities, what about you? Speak your mind 🙂